


Echoes

by Recluse



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Gen, haruka centric, sads everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 18:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recluse/pseuds/Recluse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't imagine what the next day will be like without him. Fill for the kinkmeme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Echoes

The bathwater is cold.  
  
Haruka stares at the wall, waiting to hear the backdoor, waiting for the door to open, waiting for-  
  
-He pushes himself out of the tub, grabs the towel and wipes himself down, walks to kitchen in measured steps, one foot after another, counting the number it takes to get to the grill. He grills his fish, eats it, gets dressed, walks to school, walking in the middle of the sidewalk. He doesn't stare at the ocean.  
  
He's late, but nobody says anything, the class is silent, and when Amakata-sensei turns to see who came in, her face drops before she turns back to the board hastily.  
  
"T-Turn to page 102. We're reading the passage silently today."  
  
There are flowers on the desk next to his. He closes his eyes when he walks past them.  
  
He reads without really understanding, stares out the window, at the pool, then down again, one word at a time, still not understanding anything. He doesn't realize it's lunch until Nagisa arrives in his classroom, Rei behind him, saying, "Harukaaaa! Hey, you should eat, stop studying!"  
  
Haruka glances up. Nagisa seems cheerful, as always, but his eyes are red and a little puffy, and Rei quietly says, "Nanase-senpai, hello" without vigor.   
  
Rei and Nagisa chatter about little things, Haruka stares out the window, nibbling at the chips Nagisa had brought him, thinking about-  
 _  
it's dark, but not too dark, the sun is setting and the ocean is just the right temperature  
_  
-thinking about swimming.  
  
Nagisa, for all his noise, notices his stare.  
  
"Ah, Haru, swimming again? I can't go today, and neither can Rei, we have to study."  
  
There's a catch in Nagisa's voice, and Haruka can already tell, Nagisa is scared of going into the water, more so than Rei, who looks worriedly at Nagisa. The both of them excuse themselves near the end of lunch, Haruka nods a goodbye, and then spends the rest of the day asleep, and nobody even touches him until school is over.  
 _  
it was nice, swimming in the evening, even though it was cold, the water still felt good,  
  
Makoto's touch on his arm, the sound of his voice, "Haru-"  
_  
-"Nanase-kun,"-  
  
-That's not him. He wakes up with a start, eyes wide, blinks twice. Amakata-sensei pulls her hand back.  
  
"Nanase-kun, school is over." She says. "...Are you all right?"  
  
He nods, shakes his head a bit, picks up his books and walks past the desk, the vase, the flowers. Amakata stares after him until he walks out the door.  
  
 _it really wasn't that far out, it wasn't that dark, Makoto just had to check up on him anyways, had cautiously walked his way into the sea  
_  
-He dives in the water and shivers, swims lap after lap in the pool until he feels like his body is on fire, breathes in deep, floating on his back. The sky is turning pink and yellow.  
  
He dives deep down.  
 _  
he'd told him to get out, it was dark enough now to call it evening, "Haru-chan, you shouldn't be swimming so late, we have school tomorrow", he'd dove down to stop listening  
_  
-And comes back up, swims to the side of the pool and hauls himself out, rolling onto his back with a wet 'plop'. He probably looks incredibly undignified. Makoto would be scolding him right about now, a towel in hand, ruffling his hair, "Haru, you really shouldn't, it's not that warm you know, and look, there's gonna be dirt in your hair" and Haruka gets up in a hurry, rips apart his train of thought, peels off his wet clothes and dries off.  
  
It's only been a day.  
  
Walking home, he doesn't look at the ocean, the golden-yellow bounces off the waves and the sand, and  
 _  
Makoto had followed him in a bit deeper, half laughing, half sighing, telling him, "It's near dinner time, Haru-chan-"  
_  
-and he stops in the middle of the sidewalk, feeling chills run up and down his spine, fist clenching, wants to know what'll make it stop, the panicked beating of his heart. The awareness of the empty space to his side, the lack of noise, the way that something about his whole small world is wrong, now that Makoto isn't here-  
 _  
Haruka hadn't really been listening, but he'd heard the sudden cutoff, wondered, but he didn't hear any splashing, and besides, Makoto could swim, so he'd be fine, Haruka couldn't imagine him not being fine  
_  
-He runs the way home, up the steps, slams the door closed and slides down against it, not taking off his shoes. He takes a deep breath, shuddering, breathes again and again and again-  
 _  
again and again and again had he tried CPR, compressions, tried to bring Makoto back to breathing, but he was still cold and his mouth was blue and Haruka had thrown all Makoto's things in dissary to find his phone, had called 911, had felt terror, had kept trying to breathe him back to life  
_  
-He curls up, knees to his chest, panicked breathing, fingers scratching marks into the floor, one hand tightening on his blazer-  
 __  
he'd forgotten that people didn't make noise when they drowned, had momentarily forgotten Makoto's fear, hadn't realized that there was a hole under the sand and that Makoto had gotten trapped until he realized Makoto wasn't moving  
  
-and starts to cry, noiseless sobs that make his chest rise and fall, a tight sensation in his throat. He coughs, feels the pressure behind his eyes, tries to breathe but finds it difficult, his vision blurs completely, his nose runs, and he can't move, cries into his hands because Makoto is gone and it's too sudden, Makoto had never left his side, they've always been together, Makoto is a part of him-  
  
-Was, he was a part of him. He stares down the hallway and hiccups.  
  
He feels like Makoto should be there, asking him, "H-Haru, what's wrong, are you okay?", hovering around him, handing him tissues. He feels like Makoto will be there, will come up the steps and be surprised to find Haruka in this state, tell him that he's fine and that "Next time, don't swim so far out, okay?", tease him a little, hold his hand like when they were in elementary. He finds himself waiting for him, scrubs his eyes and reminds himself that people don't come back from the dead, and he saw it himself, the way the paramedics had tried without luck, heard the words, "His lungs are filled with water."  
  
Water, it was water, water was to blame.   
  
He chides himself immediately. Water wasn't really alive, for all he talked about it, water didn't have intention to kill anything, water didn't want to drag Makoto down, water was only water. There was no humanity in it, not like there had been in Makoto, he curls up again, forehead resting on his knees.  
  
The tears won't stop. He scrubs his eyes again, but they still come out, dropping on his slacks, staining his blazer. He tries to think back, very far back, when Makoto wasn't in his life, and fails.  
  
He can't imagine tomorrow.


End file.
